25 Things I Want To Know About You (Or Why You Hermits Irk Me)

Jose Vilson Jose

I Facebooked Your Mom

I Facebooked Your Mom

I read what seems like the hottest article on Twitter right now (check me, it’s 825pm on Thursday. This too shall pass), and I gotta tell you, while it was worth the giggles, I honestly didn’t see why it’s that hot. It’s that typical, “I’m borderline-anti-social,” “I’m not gonna do it because too many people already did it but I wish I had gone it before everyone did” sorta bullshit that annoys me. I get it: memes get annoying. And you’re right: no one wants to hear about your pregnant frogs or that one time you saw Bono but it wasn’t Bono but a hobo with really big sunglasses.

Yet, I have to stand firmly against the author’s stance on Facebook memes because, frankly, my friends rock. In the two weeks alone, I’ve probably read well over 50 of those things and only 3 of them bored me (I won’t say who). The other ones have ranged from really personal and autobiographical to just hilarious. I mean, there were times I caught a cramp in my throat from laughing so hard (if such a thing is possible). What’s more, you really get to know your “friends” much better through these memes. It’s almost as if you can hear their voice coming through on all of these posts, and thus, they’re able to communicate things to you they probably won’t say to you just because they have the floor.

And so what if we’re “loosely associated?” I added you for a reason: might as well get to know you while you’re on my roster.

Plus, forcing people to say 25 things about themselves forces them to get out of their comfort zone (if they’re doing it well). I can’t tell you how many people pretend they’re too cool for Facebook with their status message and profile pic when they reveal something about themselves in their 25 Things Meme, like their infatuation with Bananas in Pajamas or their deep affection for their parental units.

So, because I’m a social provocateur, here are the 25 things I do want to know:

1. Why did people think I wasn’t going to write an article based on that article?

2. Why don’t people share MORE?!

3. Why are tax cuts so important but not programs for women and children?

4. Why is sharing 25 things about yourself so damn seductive?

5. Why do people say I have a “billion” friends on Facebook when I only have 1,691 friends and a fan page?

6. Did they miss the lesson on decimal places?

7. Why did people want Tony Yayo released when Mumia’s still in jail?

8. Why do we humans have the urge to smack every bald man’s head?

9. Why did I think that great rappers and writers made great Twitterers? (That prediction went completely went out the window this week when some rappers’ tweets started looking more like Morpheus’ version of “Deal or No Deal.” I don’t want to have to choose this or that!)

10. Why don’t more people pay attention to the benefits of controlling one’s own digital identity?

11. Why does GoDaddy suck? Wait, I know the answer to this one.

12. Why did people replace their rosaries and pictures of Jesus with Obama T-shirts and buttons?

13. Why is this chick so damn funny?

14. Better yet, why did she put her not-so-hardcore face over Lion-O in her 25 things? (You and you had me laughing my ass off, too).

15. Why do the conversations that my girlfriend and I have after whatever event we were just at so damn cool?

16. Why is my Knick foam finger pointing out the window? Is it trying to tell me something?

17. Why is it that the more I get to know my kids as they become adolescents, the more annoying they get?

18. Why do they, in turn, tell me all their damn business?

19. Why do I feel like I already know what they’re going to tell me about who they’re seeing before they even tell me?

20. Why do I feel so comfortable hating on my kids in front of their faces when I know I shouldn’t be? (jokes, jokes)

21. Why do humans irk me?

22. Why can’t I go into seclusion and write coke-n-weed-induced rhymes like Eminem? Maybe because I’m not as nice with it as he is?

23. Why are the boys way more passive in my school than the girls?

24. While I’m at it, why don’t you jerks pass the damn bailout package for the rest of us now?

25. Wait, why did I write this joint again?

Jose, who is completely irreverent.

p.s. – Yes, I took off the banner here and changed servers. Everything’s much better now.