Fatherhood In Patterns

Jose Vilson Jose 2 Comments

There’s only two ways to really look at every decision you make as a father: either you’ll do it just like you’re father or nothing like him. That goes for everything in life, because the any choice in life we make is binary. With all the exposure I have to children via my godson, nephews, and my own students, I’ve gotten a good grasp of the ins and outs of what it takes to be a full-fledged father. Some of my colleagues remark that we ought to have licenses for parenthood, and I almost tend to agree. As a baby-raiser, you’re a gaga-interpreter, a butt-wiper, a food-hunter-then-preparer-then-feeder-cleaner-repeater, a gyrator-stirrer-shaker-human-bassinet, sleep-deprivation-survivor, and model for every sound that comes out of this little human. It’s a tremendous responsibility that takes almost as much time as living itself, and fatherhood administered properly, is a gift some don’t appreciate often enough. You’re a first-hand future-creator-vis-a-vis-this-little-person. He / she doesn’t need to be Neo, Joan of Arc, or Patrick Ewing, but they’re a reflection of the person who spawned them. That’s why, when I have an inner dialogue with my dualities about my experience with the fatherhood done unto me, I always come back to the fact that building the strong relationship with my future son comes first. As far as I’m concerned, everything else comes secondary and tertiary. The process in my evolution towards this role has humbled me to no end, and I’m ever grateful for it.

Which is the first part of the pattern-breaking …

Jose

About Jose Vilson

José Luis Vilson is a math educator, blogger, speaker, and activist. For more of my writing, buy my book This Is Not A Test: A New Narrative on Race, Class, and Education, on sale now.

Comments 2

  1. msladydeborah

    My three sons are fathers now. The transition has been amazing to me. Each one of them has a daughter. Two of them also have sons. I’ve watched them expand and develop into parents in ways that I recognize and in ways that meet their families needs. I was not sure if they were truly ready to meet the challenges of raising children. Then I had to remind myself that in spite of my educational background, I was not fully prepared either.

    One lesson I have learned about parenting is this: You will grow as your child grows. That happens in planned and unplanned ways as time goes on. The bond that forms between a parent and child is ever flowing. I’ve made mistakes that were not easily corrected–some may never be corrected. That happens and it’s just a part of the relationship.

    But it sounds like you’re doing the necessary groundwork. There is something about taking on the identity of dad or mom that changes everything about who you are inside.

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