It’s Pretty Much Your Fault

By Jose Vilson | January 18, 2009

It’s Pretty Much Your Fault

By Jose Vilson | January 18, 2009
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Uncle Same "You Fail"

Uncle Same "You Fail"

The Buffalo Beast dropped their 50 Most Loathsome People of 2008, and listed everyone from Barack Obama (#50) to … well you can figure it out (I’ll give you a hint: rhymes with nail-in), and everyone in between. As always, they take particular interest in everyone around them and the social trends that makes us all a critical part of the disgust they have for this country. So at #43, it’s all your fault:

43. You

Charges: You think it’s your patriotic duty to spend money you don’t have on crap you don’t need. You think Hillary lost because of sexism, when it’s actually because she’s just a bad liar. You think Iraq is better off now than before we invaded, and don’t understand why they’re so ungrateful. You think Tim Russert was a great journalist. You’re hopping mad about an auto industry bailout that cost a squirt of piss compared to a Wall Street heist of galactic dimensions, due to a housing crash you somehow have blamed on minorities. It took you six years to figure out what a tool Bush is, but you think Obama will make it all better. You deem it hunky dory that we conduct national policy debates via 8-second clips from “The View.” You think God zapped humans into existence a few thousand years ago, although your appendix and wisdom teeth disagree. You like watching vicious assholes insult each other on TV. You support gun rights, because firing one gives you a chubby. You cuddle falsehoods and resent enlightenment. You think the fact that 43% of whites could stomach voting for an incredibly charismatic and eloquent light-skinned black guy who was raised by white people means racism is over. You think progressive taxation is socialism. 1 in 100 of you are in jail, and you think it should be more. You are shallow, inconsiderate, afraid, brand-conscious, sedentary, and totally self-obsessed. You are American.

Exhibit A: You’re more upset by Miley Cyrus’s glamour shots than the fact that you are a grown adult who is upset about Miley Cyrus.

Sentence: Invaded and occupied by Canada; all military units busy overseas without enough fuel to get back.

Sorry for copying the whole section, but it’s all too true. Please read this: it’s gonna take a sitting, but as usual, well worth the read.

Jose, who is spending the next 24 hours with a special someone …


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