Many of us live in an anarchist revision of love, hoping to understand its structures while simultaneously rationalizing why they just won’t work for us (and in many cases, trying to destroy previously conceived notions!) It’s amazing that any of us fall in love at all, or even attempt to understand this synecdochical emotion wrought with emotions, as if there is only one side to love. There’s certainly a side to love many of us hope to achieve, and even a few of us have achieved, whether with siblings or significant others, and when we see it, we go “Oh look, that’s great. At the end of the day, I wish I had that.” Even guys get like that sometimes.
Then there’s this ugly and funny side of love that makes Jazmine Sullivan sing a song asserting that animals in their natural habitats would be less injurious than heartbreak (I still side with the lions, tigers, and bears). We play this constant game of chess when some of us only prepared ourselves for checkers. We ponder whether the other thinks of us with the same affections and aspirations, questioning every little move the other makes, or a culmination of their moves, sometimes on a whim or a simple question asked by another party.
Sometimes, I feel like I get it. Men often complicate things by thinking that they’re king of the jungle when they’re only pawns, in hopes of alluring suitors who’ll buy into the bravado. Women often have to make things difficult to find a strong suitor in her own right; that’s an evolutionary and natural process. A small part of me knows that these sorts of things keep humans heavily interested and “in the chase.” Oftentimes, particularly with men, the chase makes the whole first part of the experience worth it. Also, the idea of favoring someone or something can often get clouded by misperceptions of what our individual roles are with respect to others.
However, a bigger part of me feels that, as a society of extremes (e.g. “#fail” or “best.___. ever”), we don’t take into account of our own emotional needs. Furthermore, our constant affronts often conflict with our own true intentions. Sometimes, we hold so steadfast to our “game” that we become empty vessels unwilling to shed our borders in the face of false security. We’re willing to shoot down close intruders and put those who wish to penetrate our borders through such a grueling process, they either cry from the whole experience or simply ditch in the middle of the naturalization process.
1/2 the time, we’re really just looking for someone to believe in so strongly, that even after we go through it all, guns blazing and smoke settling, we’ll still feel like it’s all worth fighting for. Then again, maybe it’s time for a war we really feel we have to fight.
Jose, who’s got 21 guns …