Crumbled Brownies

Little Miss Bittersweet

Jose 2 Comments

Crumbled Brownies

Crumbled Brownies

Dear Little Miss Bittersweet,

Let me get to the point because, honestly, children only have an attention span of next to nil. I understand your situation: a boy who you once got along with is now treating you like you’re next to nothing. You’re usually really sensitive to everything and anything negative, and really, really persistent (on the ledge of annoying at times). You’re intelligent and sweet, but get too caught up in things to really calm your little self down.

As far as the boy, there was never really any attraction (as far as the eye can see), but now that he’s part of the school, he’s found a way to be dismissive and even demeaning towards you. You two have apparently had your arguments during lunch and in other places around school, and that’s too bad Ms. Bittersweet because, honestly, I thought you were a little better behaved than that. You’ve taken this fight to your teachers, a couple of social workers and counselors, the dean and to the assistant principal, and even with our best efforts, we’ve all come to the same conclusion: you need to learn to let go.

Not that I’m condoning (approving of) what he does, but I don’t think the way you have been acting around him is in your best interest. Letting the boy get to you will really make the situation worse, not better. In days past, when you were younger (much much younger), maybe it was easier to resolve problems by having you and the boy sit down in a chair while the teacher tells you that you have to act friendly. These days, especially since you’re both at an awkward age, maybe you should reconsider that strategy.

Now, if he’s bullying you or bothering you, then that’s something the staff (including me) need to take care of, but if he’s just ignoring you, not being friendly to you, or hasn’t even provoked you, then don’t provoke anything. Why start something that you’re going to have a hard time finishing? Do you think that making a list of everyone in school that you have any relationship with (including your teachers) and making a mean list is going to improve things (I’m glad I got a 6 out of 10 at least)? Do you think calling up his girlfriend to talk to him and trying to influence her to somehow coerce her into making you friends again is going to work?

By continuing this behavior, you’re handing over your power over to him, and I know you better than that. You need to be strong, and simply ignore him. Easier said than done, I know, because he’s in your class. Yet, you don’t sit together, you don’t eat together, and you share no friends.

And really, things change. Soon, this will pass, too.

Jose, who needs to write more letters …

p.s. – I’m not going to actually send this one to her. I might just sit down with her. I’m actually thinking about sitting with her parents and such. Thoughts?

About Jose Vilson

José Luis Vilson is a math educator, blogger, speaker, and activist. For more of my writing, buy my book This Is Not A Test: A New Narrative on Race, Class, and Education, on sale now.

Comments 2

  1. little girl BIG VOICE

    Oh lordy. A classic case of girl-gone-wrong because of boy-with-no-shame. Why do we go so crazy when it becomes apparent that he’s just not that into us? But this girl has stepped over that line. It’s one thing to fill a diary with page of spewed hate for the S.O.B. It’s another to start trashing the person to anyone who will listen. I think sitting down with her and politely letting her know that she is, indeed, certifiably outside her mind about this is a good call. Getting the parents in on the drama? That will end up with you being WAY more involved than you want to be.

  2. Post
    Author
    Jose

    I agree. I’m definitely not trying to get too involved either. I also find myself in a conundrum because I could also have a suicide / nervous wreck on my hand and I’d be considered negligent for not taking the proper steps to take care of it. Even if it doesn’t get to that level, someone’s got to know besides me and the teachers, and if no one else is gonna say it to the parents, should I? Those are just some of the questions that I struggle with at this juncture. Nonetheless, thanks for the feedback. I don’t want to remove fault from the boy, but since it’s addressed to the girl, I might as well give her a little alloy for her mettle.

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