No Clouds In My Stones

Jose Vilson Jose

Jay-Z and Mary J. Blige Tour

I had a late start because my Internet connection hit the fritz a few hours ago and has been nasty ever since. It finally decided to work in time for me to post my musings after watching Keith Olbermann’s 5th Anniversary episode (man, he’s a cool ass dude). In situations like that, a lot of people might do irrational things like fling their modem at the nearest window or eat a huge bowl of ice cream and fester over how they’re going to drop the People’s Elbow on the next Time Warner Cable representative they come in contact with. Me? I’m cool like dat.

Lately, I’ve lived so calmly, it’s almost eerie that I don’t get worked up over too much. I probably learned that from this profession. As many of you read, I needed to chill out after another rough day at the woodshop, so I needed to remember why I came into the profession to begin with: to influence children’s lives in a positive manner as well as teach them math. (I think my main idea coming into the program was, “I didn’t choose math, math chose me.”) After a little reflection, I realize I lost a little sight of that; the kids are starting to lose their bearings on reality, and the wear-and-tear of their multiple tests they’re putting me through pushed my proverbial wall down, thus losing some of my composure.

Sometimes I forget to not take things too personally when the kids get the way they do, and that often brings me to the point where I feel like quitting. Trekking from the Lower East Side of Manhattan all the way to Washington Heights is an hour commute on the train, but rarely have I actually stopped mid-path and asked myself if I really wanted to come in that day. I did. I realized that, despite my Aquarian traits, all in all, I’m fairly reliable. I come into work a good 15-30 minutes early, dress professionally, and come ready to teach a lesson, and hopefully teach it well. I have high expectations. I want to improve as a person, a communicator, teacher, et. al. In other words, I’m ready for it all.

So even after all the situations I’ve encountered, like the fights and nasty disputes (along with some kids actually researching me online and finding this site), I’ve actually maintained a level head. Nothing’s going to bother me, not even the soreness in my back from the gym or the constant little chatter and lack of urgency on the part of some of my kids. Yes, I’m going to try my best, as I always do, but I just have to realize that there are things in my past or present that I can’t alter.

Sometimes when I get a painful memory or something I really haven’t let go of, I clench my fist and scream internally to release its vice grip on me. Then I breathe deeply, and smile a little, with the knowledge that I’ll make it another day. I’m just cool like dat.

jose, who has to push the post he had for today for Sunday …