No Clouds In My Stones - The Jose Vilson

No Clouds In My Stones

by Jose Vilson on April 3, 2008

in Jose

Jay-Z and Mary J. Blige Tour

I had a late start because my Internet connection hit the fritz a few hours ago and has been nasty ever since. It finally decided to work in time for me to post my musings after watching Keith Olbermann’s 5th Anniversary episode (man, he’s a cool ass dude). In situations like that, a lot of people might do irrational things like fling their modem at the nearest window or eat a huge bowl of ice cream and fester over how they’re going to drop the People’s Elbow on the next Time Warner Cable representative they come in contact with. Me? I’m cool like dat.

Lately, I’ve lived so calmly, it’s almost eerie that I don’t get worked up over too much. I probably learned that from this profession. As many of you read, I needed to chill out after another rough day at the woodshop, so I needed to remember why I came into the profession to begin with: to influence children’s lives in a positive manner as well as teach them math. (I think my main idea coming into the program was, “I didn’t choose math, math chose me.”) After a little reflection, I realize I lost a little sight of that; the kids are starting to lose their bearings on reality, and the wear-and-tear of their multiple tests they’re putting me through pushed my proverbial wall down, thus losing some of my composure.

Sometimes I forget to not take things too personally when the kids get the way they do, and that often brings me to the point where I feel like quitting. Trekking from the Lower East Side of Manhattan all the way to Washington Heights is an hour commute on the train, but rarely have I actually stopped mid-path and asked myself if I really wanted to come in that day. I did. I realized that, despite my Aquarian traits, all in all, I’m fairly reliable. I come into work a good 15-30 minutes early, dress professionally, and come ready to teach a lesson, and hopefully teach it well. I have high expectations. I want to improve as a person, a communicator, teacher, et. al. In other words, I’m ready for it all.

So even after all the situations I’ve encountered, like the fights and nasty disputes (along with some kids actually researching me online and finding this site), I’ve actually maintained a level head. Nothing’s going to bother me, not even the soreness in my back from the gym or the constant little chatter and lack of urgency on the part of some of my kids. Yes, I’m going to try my best, as I always do, but I just have to realize that there are things in my past or present that I can’t alter.

Sometimes when I get a painful memory or something I really haven’t let go of, I clench my fist and scream internally to release its vice grip on me. Then I breathe deeply, and smile a little, with the knowledge that I’ll make it another day. I’m just cool like dat.

jose, who has to push the post he had for today for Sunday …

{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Frumteacher April 4, 2008 at 7:21 am

You are a very brave person for continuing this blog the way you do while you know your students are searching for it. I am glad you do :-)


AngelaMichelle April 4, 2008 at 7:26 am

dear lord and lady… NOT the people’s elbow. why the people’s elbow, josey? *LMAO*


sdg1844 April 4, 2008 at 12:10 pm

Congratulations to you. You seem to have an understanding of perspective and balance. These are not easy things and require alot of discipline and dedication.

Keep up the good work. I enjoy reading your thoughts. You are an excellent communicator.


Shelly April 5, 2008 at 10:49 am

“Sometimes when I get a painful memory or something I really haven’t let go of, I clench my fist and scream internally to release its vice grip on me. Then I breathe deeply, and smile a little, with the knowledge that I’ll make it another day.”

This illustrates exactly what sdg1844 said and what I have thought from day 1! Your communicative and writing skills and tip top, my friend. Keep up the good work :-)


Jose April 5, 2008 at 11:03 am

Frum, while there is a sense of bravery, it’s more that I’m still going to be who I am regardless of whether there’s someone reading or not. Thanks.

AngelaMichelle, you’re wildin’ out in my comment box again?

sdg, I try my best. This is one of my most effective vehicles for expression.

Shelly, thanks for the compliment. I need to incorporate more tricks like that throughout the day just to breathe a lil’.


sdg1844 April 7, 2008 at 11:11 am

You’re welcome and keep up the good work.


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