christmas

10 Ways To Make The Grinch Come Alive This Holiday Season

by Jose Vilson on December 25, 2008

The Grinch

The Grinch

Last night, my family went to visit my stepfather’s family in the Heights, and I literally felt like running out of there. It was like a Dominican Chuck-E-Cheese. Tons of kids, tons of presents, and the adults all thinking how much longer will they be awake. It was interesting to observe them; at first many of them were really grateful. But by the end, when asked “Did Santa get you everything you wanted?”, they completely forgot their manners. They completely forsake the man despite the plethora of Wiis, X-Boxes, Barbies, and other expensive gifts in front of them. One boy got 2 video game systems at once. I got 2 video game systems every 5 years, if that.

With that said, I was feeling in a Grinchy sorta mood.

Here’s 10 ways to ruin someone’s holiday season:

10. Invert the smile on the snowman, point to it, and say, “It’s all your fault!”

9. Get a box of the most expensive item on the kids’ wish list (an Apple Mac comes to mind), and stuff it with a bunch of old clothes from your youth.

8. Call up your local activist and tell them that President Bush just called for marshal law.

7. Give holiday homework. (I got this one pat down).

6. Pour some Nyquil into your friends and families’ EggNog. (Not too much, please).

5. Run for another term as Emporer of Rome Mayor of NYC when we’ve already had you for 7 years.

4. Dress up as the Joker in a Santa costume, and run around telling kids you’re permantly taking away Christmas forever.

3. Empty out a shoe box (again, think expensive), put a really embarassing college picture of their wilder days, tell your friend and his girlfriend you’re coming over, give her the box with the picture inside. Let the fun begin!

2. Give your children their gift with a sticker in the back informing them how much they’ve put themselves in the hole for the future. Extra bonus for those of you who are willing to incorporate facts about this latest recession and words like “crisis,” “depression,” and “bankruptcy” into the vocabulary.

1. Tell your kids Santa’s not real. Always works. Even when they should know better.

Jose, who wonders what my cabal of commenters can think of as well …

p.s. – Anyone who’s willing to walk up to the White House now with Barack Hussein Obama masks, raise your hands!

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Short Notes: No, I Don’t Want A Leg Lamp For Christmas

by Jose Vilson on December 21, 2008

Leg Lamp

Leg Lamp

A few notes:

Most of you reading this are probably asking yourselves, what could Jose Vilson probably want for Christmas? Not that you’re actually looking to buy anything for me, but most people can probably tell the type of person someone is by the gifts they get. For example, I got my girlfriend a ******** and some ******* because she’s not that flashy, but she likes things classy (you really think I was going to tell you?)

Nonetheless, besides this convenient list I left on my sidebar (try here), I want this for Christmas:

1. World Peace (duh)

World Peace

World Peace

2. This guy’s shoe

Muntadhar al-Zaidi

Muntadhar al-Zaidi

3. Tickets to this

New Yankee Stadium

New Yankee Stadium

4. Better yet, tickets to this

Inauguration Site Closed for Construction

Inauguration Site Closed for Construction

5. This, though I’m going to invest in one eventually

Macbook Pro

Macbook Pro

6. Can’t ever have too much of this (ever)

Loud Sex

Loud Sex

7. Or this

Vacation

Vacation

8. A relief from this

Classroom

Classroom

9. Whatever you get, just don’t get me the leg lamp.

What do YOU want for Christmas?!

___________________________

Jose, who regrets not shopping for Christmas earlier, but loves the online stuff.

BTW, this guy

Charlie Brown

Charlie Brown

is a much better symbol for my Christmases than this guy.

Santa

Santa

Any day.

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On the 1st Day of Christmas …

by Jose Vilson on December 24, 2007

My Christmas CardI got a gift from my stepfather. It’s weird because frankly I don’t expect anything from him and never have, but indeed I have this wrapped present in front of me, and it’s been sitting there waiting for my approval. I wonder what it is now that I’ve waited this long to lay waste to its wrappings. Certainly, that’s a different tone than has been set in this household for quite some time. While I don’t want to divulge too much of my history, I will say that the nights of loud salsa, rum aura, and angry family members hopefully is a thing of the past, and that has everything to do with me.

See, the problem with Christmas is that, as a child, I was always and forever entitled, hoping this ginormous White dude would suddenly appear in my hallway and slide a gift under my Christmas tree … or two, or three. And then I started noticing that I didn’t have a chimney from which Santa could climb down like in the commercials I saw on Fox Saturday morning. These images conflicted with what I learned about the Season of Giving through my Saturday Catholic classes and my Catholic education. Then, I noticed less presents and less family time. And of course, we had next to nothing, so every time I did get something for Christmas, I was ever grateful …

Until I was 13 when I got my Super Nintendo (I can’t believe it’s been 16 years since I got it). I was such an ungrateful little one. I immediately connected it, and didn’t thank my mom until it was a little too late. For 10 years afterwards, we’ve had oscillating success with this holiday, and ever since then, I’ve been trying to rebuild what I want from my family. Not so much from my stepfather’s side, who seems to have sealed its own fate, but my mom’s side. At the very least, the set of cousins and brothers we have in that collective could form some sort of bond, and maybe we’d get a little snowfall in the process.

After getting my first salaried job as a teacher, I decided to make that particular Christmas the one I forgave everything and everyone for. I kid you not, I gave gifts like I had lost my mind. I started saying grace, which is weird since I don’t really believe in any religion per se. I started to actually have serious conversations with my other family members, at least the younger generation. I started to feel like I had a family again, and this time, it was a feeling I didn’t want to let go of.

Now, that energy has been transmuted back into my elders, and that’s really what these holidays should be about. What’s the point of going to services and masses when the temple inside your home’s a wreck? My spirit replenished and refocused, I can celebrate togetherness all year round, with a special day to keep me on track …

On the 1st Day of Christmas, G_d gave to me
12 gifts from my kids
11 pieces of chocolate
10 comfy sweaters
9 pounds from my fam
8 drinks to choose from
7 calls from my friends
6 plates of good food
5 COMMENTS FROM YOUUUUUUU!!!!
4 people in this house
3 happy males
2 brothers sleeping
and 1 writer spreading the peace …

jose, who’s about as happy as he’s been for any holiday …

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Short Notes: Those Are Some Sexy Branches

by Jose Vilson on December 23, 2007

A Christmas StoryA few notes:

- I honestly can’t wait till A Christmas Story comes on TBS. If you don’t know what the hype is about, watch this parody (under 30 seconds and with bunnies!). But it’s obviously not better than the real thing.

- I was having a conversation with my girl about the differences between those who get everything and those who don’t. In her school, though they are underprivileged children for the most part, the school provides them everything from computers to the pencils and paper they write with. In turn, they act entitled and oftentimes callous, and don’t bother giving their teachers any presents whatsoever except 1 or 2.

By contrast, I get lots of stuff for the holidays, my birthday, and definitely the end of the year. I do consider myself a bit of an aberration but every teacher in the school has gotten something for this Christmas. The school doesn’t have the means to provide the children with everything, so it’s as if we’re both in the same struggle together. In terms of economic class, my lady and I work with the same population, and they come from the same neighborhoods, but just that little change in environment can make the difference between the spoiled and the grateful.

Maybe these contrasts are the symbolisms for the populations’ respect for teachers in general. More on this later, I guess.

- Speaking of which, this Christmas, I got a good 10-15 gifts from the kids, which never ceases to humble me. Granted, some of these gifts might definitely be regifted (I have too many SouthPole shirts and have no need for scented candles), but I’ll still take a picture of the gifts as mementos of their generosity. The staff also gave me a good 10 Christmas cards, which I’m definitely grateful for. Still chewing on some chocolates.

- I just watched Zeitgeist about 5 months late, courtesy of thefreeslave. Please watch and let me know what you think. Please.

- I decided to dial it down on the Christmas shopping. Only a few people will get gifts for this Christmas since I usually go all out for my fam and friends. This time around, I’ll just do what I can and catch up throughout the 12 days of this holiday.

jose, who will definitely spend some quality time with his family even if it kills him …

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