Last night, my family went to visit my stepfather’s family in the Heights, and I literally felt like running out of there. It was like a Dominican Chuck-E-Cheese. Tons of kids, tons of presents, and the adults all thinking how much longer will they be awake. It was interesting to observe them; at first many of them were really grateful. But by the end, when asked “Did Santa get you everything you wanted?”, they completely forgot their manners. They completely forsake the man despite the plethora of Wiis, X-Boxes, Barbies, and other expensive gifts in front of them. One boy got 2 video game systems at once. I got 2 video game systems every 5 years, if that.
With that said, I was feeling in a Grinchy sorta mood.
Here’s 10 ways to ruin someone’s holiday season:
10. Invert the smile on the snowman, point to it, and say, “It’s all your fault!”
9. Get a box of the most expensive item on the kids’ wish list (an Apple Mac comes to mind), and stuff it with a bunch of old clothes from your youth.
8. Call up your local activist and tell them that President Bush just called for marshal law.
7. Give holiday homework. (I got this one pat down).
6. Pour some Nyquil into your friends and families’ EggNog. (Not too much, please).
5. Run for another term as Emporer of Rome Mayor of NYC when we’ve already had you for 7 years.
4. Dress up as the Joker in a Santa costume, and run around telling kids you’re permantly taking away Christmas forever.
3. Empty out a shoe box (again, think expensive), put a really embarassing college picture of their wilder days, tell your friend and his girlfriend you’re coming over, give her the box with the picture inside. Let the fun begin!
2. Give your children their gift with a sticker in the back informing them how much they’ve put themselves in the hole for the future. Extra bonus for those of you who are willing to incorporate facts about this latest recession and words like “crisis,” “depression,” and “bankruptcy” into the vocabulary.
1. Tell your kids Santa’s not real. Always works. Even when they should know better.
Jose, who wonders what my cabal of commenters can think of as well …
p.s. – Anyone who’s willing to walk up to the White House now with Barack Hussein Obama masks, raise your hands!