A Memorandum on Friendship

Jose 7 Comments

I’m of the opinion that true friendship never really ends. It may evolve and, in a way, dissipate. I came to this realization last night after my friend Cecilia, who lives all the way out in North Cali, announced her engagement to her boyfriend of 7 years (has it really been that long?). Even with our separation, there’s a set of memories that binds us together and makes us inseparable. While I fully realize that I’m not as approachable as I should be (I’m working on it, I swear), I also have to make it known that once you’re a friend of mine, that never changes.

Some may not feel as strongly. Some people invest in their friendship so much that, if they feel that the other person isn’t reciprocating for whatever reason, they simply leave. And that’s perfectly fine with me. A younger version of me may have been disappointed by those actions, but I can no more force that person to stay anymore than I can control the weather. And like the weather, the way friendships go can be so unpredictable. Even still, I’ll always reserve certain people in my heart and mind, especially when nothing ever happened for that separation to happen to begin with.

Like a true friend, when I found out that she was engaged, I dropped the craziest voicemail in her box. After all, that’s what friends are for, right? Forever and a day …

Jose, who’ll choose love over hate today …

About Jose Vilson

José Luis Vilson is a math educator, blogger, speaker, and activist. For more of my writing, buy my book This Is Not A Test: A New Narrative on Race, Class, and Education, on sale now.

Jose VilsonA Memorandum on Friendship

Comments 7

  1. Tracy

    Ditto. Quick but good. It’s not about getting people to love you, it’s about loving people. Seems to be a good, solid theme these days.
    Tracy

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  3. modi

    i’m of the same school of thought. friendships just evolve, depending. when my best friend got a boyfriend, i couldn’t be at her house at all hours of the night like i used to, because i had to respect him, even though i don’t mean any harm. that’s an example that i’ve been seeing recently with a lot of my girl friends.

    i also believe that distance doesn’t do anything but change the amount of times friends can hang. if you’re really good friends, things will be like old times once you reunite. another reason why i co-sign your opinion. true friendship never ends. and if it does, they weren’t supposed to be there in the first place. you learned, you appreciated, and you moved on.

  4. Edward Carson

    I always struggled with this, until I concluded that I need only those I can be real with. If I cannot be me and show some emotion with a true friend, then it is not really a relationship.

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  6. Liliana M.

    I truly enjoyed reading this, in a way it summarized my own thoughts about my personal friendships. I often feel bad for losing touch with some people, but like you said… nothing bad happened, and they are always welcome back in my life.

    I wish others could understand this as well.

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