… it’s not about a salary, it’s all about reality …

My morning routine consists of waking up to my ring tone / alarm “Champion” by Kanye West. After maybe getting readjusted out of my slumber and hoping the sun goes back down quick enough where I can forget about work, I crawl out, hit my computer’s on-button, wash my face, brush my teeth, scramble for a big bowl of Raisin Bran / Frosted Flakes / Lucky Charms / Apple Jacks / Honey Nut Cheerios, dump in some milk, and plop down in front of the TV for some NY1 News in the Morning, or ESPN depending on how interested I was in the sporting events of the previous night. It’s been this day almost everyday for the past 3 years minus weekends and most of my vacation days. I also check up on my e-mail, make a big note to myself about how I’m going to walk into my classroom today, what am I going to realistically do for the train ride to my school, and even have time to respond to a couple of friend requests, Twitters, e-mails, and messages.

I don’t know about you, but that makes me want to do all of that again … backwards, ending with my face in my pillow. I have become a creature of routine, but my lack of organization tells me either a) I never wanted to live by the standards of cleanliness so long as I know where everything is or b) I need a new routine (probably both). Even in situations where I should be less stressed (like class trips for instance), I find myself stressin’ out like crazy, making sure my face doesn’t end up on Fox5 News for being a negligent Black teacher, or however they’ll paint me. What’s more, we’re starting to wind down and I’ve already been looking towards next year since a good month ago, so now that we’re more than 90% of the way there, I’m too excited / anxious for the new year to begin.

I’ve already finished one of my projects (which was a big hit with the staff), but now I have a couple more to go, along with a ton of trips that I never even planned on until I was asked to go the day before. And what’s worse, my Google Reader is full of blogs from teachers who have either already resigned, started looking for other jobs, or are wrapping up the year in a reflective sort of mood. In the meantime, the rest of us in NYC are here face in palms, melting in our (mostly) boiling rooms, tapping our feet harder than the children are.

It’s time to breathe. Yeah, that’s what I’m going to do. Breathe.

::siiiiiiiiighhhhhhh::

jose, who loves the relationships he’s built with most of his students, but realizes that some of the other relationships need to be renewed with others …

Damian tagged me, and I must oblige. After all, I tagged almost everyone and their mother yesterday trying to get you all to help me with my most involved effort yet. Damian asked me which of my previous (and worst) jobs helped me prepare for the job I have currently (please tell me you didn’t miss that boat). Let me preface this by saying that I’ve never had a bad job because each job I’ve ever taken either advanced my transparent agenda or helped me put food on the table or paid for college expenditures. Now that that’s out of the way …

I have to say, after working as a camp counselor, concession stand worker at a big movie theatre, student security on campus, and database work at an educational research firm, none quite prepared me for my job or helped me get into the mentality of working with kids quite like my position as the Education Chair of La LUCHA at Syracuse U.

OK, so that wasn’t the worst job, nor was it something I was “hired” to do, but voted in. Of course, some of the readers who already knew me from previous incarnations wouldn’t consider it a job either as I never got paid monetarily. OK, fair enough, but here’s why I was more than prepared for my work with children after helping to lead that organization:

1. I had to learn quite quickly to not take things too personally. I had a big habit of doing it because, really, I put my whole person into that organization. Unfortunately, some people don’t view it the same way nor do they see my vision for the org. It prospered, but not like I’d hoped.

2. Making real change happen takes a lot of personal sacrifice. On the one hand, I had a drive very few matched when it came to that org, and when I wanted a real change to happen, I worked as hard as possible to make that change happen, sacrificing a whole lot of time I could have spent doing a whole lot of nothing.

3. I must make personal time. On the other hand, I also had to take some time for myself, and often, I didn’t know when to step back and do that.

4. Constant feedback and reflection are a vital part of becoming the best. At first, I didn’t take constructive criticism or any other type for that matter too well, because I thought the organization at the time needed a vast change and I was the only one who could bring it. Then, I was asked to get humble. And quick. I reflected on where that criticism came from and what much of that negativity would mean for the legacy I was trying to leave behind. But it wasn’t about me. It was about the org. Once I came to that epiphany, I started to work quietly, adjusting my game plan for the great good.

5. Sometimes, the best reaction is to let the chips fall where they may. There’d be days when certain people would bring a lot of negativity in my direction, trying to force me to react or fire back in a way that’s “unbecoming” of a leader. Most of it was immature, and they tried to intimidate me to step down. I wouldn’t. Rather than respond, I let everything pass, because I knew there’d be a moment when karma would inevitably take care of everything, which sure enough, it did.

6. Dealing with administration takes time, patience, and professionalism. No matter how unprofessional the professionals are, and no matter how “in the right” you are, there’s a time and place for every protest, question, or even comment. Professionalism will more often than not help your case.

7. Never let a moment in which you can teach someone go to waste. Never.

jose, who will not lose …

Allen Ginsberg is the man.

As a resident Lower East Sider and poet, I’ve always heard of his stuff, and respected him on street cred alone. Little did I know that this whole time, I’d already been exposed to Ginsberg through one of my already favorite poets, Amiri Baraka. In “Somebody Blew Up America,” he has a meme that always begins with “who,” just as Ginsberg’s “Howl” does in the first part of his seminal piece, and very coincidentally, just as my entries always end.

At some point, this must have prompted Taylor the Teacher (along with listening to some Pink Floyd) to ask me whether or not Ginsberg inspired me to tag my entries the way I did. Of course, the ingenious mind that she is, she thought it’d be a cool idea to turn this into a poetry meme. Follow the rules:

1. My first line will start off just like Ginsberg’s:

I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving, hysterical, naked, …

2. The rest of the poem is where you come in. Write your next post, and make it about anything you want. No really. Not that you wouldn’t do it anyways, but …

3. At the end of the meme, sign off like I do, starting with a “who …”

4. Link back to this post for the rules and the origins.

For example, I’ll start off with “I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving, hysterical, naked …”

and Taylor might write her next post sign-off with “who never understood the power of the Internet until that last post …” and mzvirgo might follow up with, “who is really more than just a gossip blogger,” and JD might chime in with, “who wishes the UFT were a more perfect union,” and so on and so forth.

I’m calling on anyone who’s reading to chime in, even if it’s something small. In 2 weeks time, I should have enough sign-offs to complete the first part of the poem from everything you all said. I’ll also complete parts 2 and 3 based on who responds to the call.

So …

Tracy. Bam. Talda. -1-. Damian. Jeff. NYCEd. Hugh. J. Dakar. BBC. LeeSee. AM.

CTG, aulelia, Bill, JM Holland, Wayne, Joanne …

I was ready to link all of you, but my keyboard’s melting …

jose, who saw the best minds of his generation emboldened by madness, hungry, hysterical, enlightened …

And here I is …

That is all. Comment below.

A few notes:

1. Big Brown loses. To Da’ Tara. I hate to say that it looked like it was fixed, but … Not that I know much about horse racing, but such a strong horse finishes last when he was undefeated?! I understand there was a problem with his hoof before, but preliminary reports from doctors show that he had no significant health problems. Someone out there just went up in their tax bracket.

2. This is some sweltering heat. My goatee almost fell off my face before I held it together.

3. After Field Day on Friday, I played a little basketball with some 8th graders just to practice for the upcoming Staff vs. 8th Grade Students on Monday. Not sure if I mentioned it before, but we put a whooping on the 7th grade. The 8th grade might prove to be a little more formidable. Their speed and accuracy from outside is relatively impressive. Nonetheless, with some of the shots I was making on Friday, I think we’ll do alright tomorrow. I have a knack for only making in hard shots and missing clear layups; let’s see how that comes into play.

4. Back in 2004-5, I remember getting really popular around the Xangablogosphere, and in doing so, had tons of “friends” who, for whatever reason, liked the banners and displays I used to make for my blog. After I learned a little more about Adobe Photoshop, and had time to devote to those banners, I started making them for free. As long as the receiver was a good subscriber who commented often or became a good friend in real life, I was more than willing to make a banner for them. The only courtesy (not an obligation, but a virtual headnod or “dap”) I asked for is a link in the next entry they wrote. I continued the practice well up until I got my own site, with nary an issue. It was more for the love and creativity than the props.

Then, I found out quickly how I had to draw the line in the sand.

After not one but two individuals decided they wouldn’t link me in their entries nor give me any props, I decided I needed to change up my thought process. In the immortal words of Pain in the Azz (of Jay-Z’s Reasonable Doubt fame), “Fuck You Pay Me!” Most of the people I’ve dealt with recently have given me the proper offers for certain projects, and repaid me promptly. Yet, some people still come to me like they’re still dealing with the ‘04 me, and not the ‘08 me. As many socialist inclinations as I have, I also recognize that the services I provide come at a cheaper price than a professional who’ll do the same or even a worse job.

Whether it’s my writing or designs, I come at a rate, and that’s the kind of respect I have to demand. I’m still cool with the two individuals, but people still come to me with wants and needs instead of jobs and projects. With some of the projects I’ve been asked to do as of late, I’m definitely in no position to be taken for granted. I’ve certainly still volunteered to do different projects and given my time to worthwhile causes, but people need to come correct with some of the stuff they’re putting on my lap. Give me my props.

jose, who thinks everyone will want to contribute to tomorrow’s post, and I do mean everyone …

What’s been up with my writing lately, you ask?

Crazy, mi gente. Crazy. I haven’t guest-posted on anyone’s site just yet (though I’m open to the idea), and I haven’t had a huge link from a big blog in a while, but certainly things are on the up and up. I already started looking into finishing my own book (finally), and got an offer to appear in another book (sweet), not to mention that I’m making a couple of handbooks for a prominent organization which I’m an active member of (see sidebar) as well as my job (and they’re going to need first aid after this one.) I’m also still designing the

All this energy I’m putting into these special projects has left a lot of stanzas scrolling through my mind, few of which have made it into a Word document or my MySpace. I’m pushing to get that next poem out, but I realize that, the more I write, the less I’m able to just “force” it out. With my poems especially, I need to feel a certain type of way. I need to feel angry, depressed, in love, determined, excited, the other excited, strong, weak … anything, but not this … poetic indifference. And something brilliant will come up as I’m walking to take the train, but I know it’s not a strong enough idea because I don’t write it anywhere.

Then again, maybe it’s because all my words are focused in these projects. Maybe it’s because my strongest evangelists don’t want to see me come weak on anything I write or I might as well “hang up the pen.” (Then again, some of them would prefer I not retire this blog.) Maybe it’s because every one of you who read from all over the world (no, really) encourage me through your e-mails, comments, and searches to read me every Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. Maybe it’s that little “Thank you” whenever someone likes something I wrote.

What keeps you writing? I know some of you practically blog every day. Others only write a couple of times a week. Others of you only show up once a month, but will write glorious pieces when you come back.

TALK TO ME, people!

Also, I got a special project for you all to get involved in with me, so tune in, and keep the comments coming …

jose, who will dedicate his blog to a legend soon …

I keep telling some of these “educators” that they can’t tell me nothin’.

John Holland recently talked about the differences between urban and suburban education as it concerns one’s demeanor. In many educators’ eyes, they think just because they have a dream that they can go into any school and magically transform children into shiny, happy people. They have this vision that somehow their idealism can save Black and Latino children from their desperate conditions and just having a little exposure to a new form of teacher will undoubtedly make them want to do better for themselves and improve their communities and become the shining beacon for their whole generations.

It doesn’t quite work out that way. Urban education requires a little more discipline. Where other children may come ready to learn and focused, many of the children I teach neither have parents who value education that much nor have people in the family who’ve gone beyond high school (or even middle school). Just the other day, we had a child who was going to the Dominican Republic at the start of Memorial Day Weekend … and continued in for two weeks! There’s no reinforcement of classroom rituals and routines at home with many of my students.

There’s also a barrier that exists that limits the types of things teachers can do (some teachers in smaller towns visit their students’ homes. WOW!). Most of all, though, kids are not just kids: every student is a product of their environment and they have different internal metrics for whether you measure up for what their teacher looks like.

In other words, if you don’t cut it, you’re getting cut, plain and simple. It doesn’t mean you need to scream at them all the time, or have militaristic tendencies (some prefer that), but it means you have to demand the respect first and foremost before you can even shed some of that tough exterior. I can personally tell you that I’ve seen the softer approach tried by teachers and they’re constantly berated, shown disrespect, and have little to no learning happening in those classrooms. Once I get them the next year, or another teacher whose got a solid backbone, they learn how to learn.

See, if you really care about the students in your classroom, you’re not just teaching them curriculum; you’re teaching them about life, and how there’s a need for balance. Yes, that “look” is often amorphous, but the energy behind it is unmistakable. The lack of equilibrium in their lives can only be matched by someone willing to see them for who they are, and working from there. Thus, I can usually quell any questions I might have about the way I handle my class with a clear conscience.

Here’s hoping that when I continue to find my way through this labyrinth of education, I won’t lose touch of what it really means to be in a classroom.

jose, who wonders how people can rush to judgment through a teacher’s first post, but I guess that’s what happens when you’re coming from on high …

p.s. - I’ll discuss the other side later on, but comments are open. Go on.

Yes, I popularized this meme. Don’t let any other blogger tell you differently.

The truth is … I don’t care who’s reading this.

The truth is … I’m cheering for Kobe Bryant and the Lakers in the Finals.

The truth is … we now know why Kobe is the MVP.

The truth is … stats don’t tell the whole story.

The truth is … I’m a Knicks fans just waiting for someone to burn Madison Square Garden down.

The truth is … I’m a Giants fan who likes the Eagles, mainly because of Donovan McNabb.

The truth is … I’m not at all worried about the prospects of the New York Yankees not making it to the playoffs. If this is a rebuilding year, then let it be.

The truth is … I can’t stand Red Sox fans as fans, not as people. Same goes for most New England sports.

The truth is … I don’t think anyone can understand the deep affection I have for some of my friends without it being confused for something else.

The truth is … I’ve concentrated my passions and worries for the most essential things and people in my life.

The truth is … I finally let go of most of my family grudges.

The truth is … I’m not impressed more or less by them girls in the TV or magazines, word to Musiq Soulchild.

The truth is … I think the majority of edubloggers are soft.

The truth is … I’ve lost affection for getting my picture taken too much. Flashing lights are blinding in other ways, too.

The truth is … I’ve been waiting for Busta Rhymes to come with something serious for a while now, and he did that and then some.

The truth is … I’ve wanted to write a sexual post a few days ago, but this is just not the forum. MySpace, however, is a whole ‘nother story …

The truth is … I don’t watch too much TV outside of SportsCenter, NY1 News, Countdown with Keith Olbermann, and Spongebob Squarepants.

The truth is … I’ve lost my patience with not only some students but also some fellow teachers, and that’s how I know I’m ready for next year.

The truth is … with all the convincing arguments to the contrary, I still don’t support any of the major US presidential candidates, and when people try to talk about this political system like it’s completely fair and balanced, it makes me sick to my stomach, literally.

The truth is … after the assassination comment H-Rod made, out of the major 3 candidates, I’d have to vote for Obama.

The truth is … I want to be Dr. Vilson before 40. No, really. And yes, in education.

The truth is … I have an Iron Man wallpaper on my school-lent laptop.

The truth is … my emotional intelligence is pretty high.

The truth is … I did come from the NYC Teaching Fellows program and I’m proud that I did.

The truth is … I love this meme.

jose, who won’t end with any Tom Cruise quotes, honest.

A few notes, for real:

1. The new Sports Museum of America in downtown Manhattan: FAN-tastic! Stressful because it’s a trip, but it was a good reward for those kids who did well.

2. The Staff v. 7th Grade Students basketball game was fun. I didn’t know I could still play since I haven’t played a real game in a year or two.

3. I finally have the right idea (I think) for my book.

4. I’m looking into doctoral programs.

5. …

Fuck it. really, I’m emotionally and physically spent. Not from teaching, but from yesterday’s funeral. My cousin V’s mom died last week (at a pretty young age), a woman who I don’t believe I’ve ever met for various reasons. She gave birth to women who are like sisters to me, and for that alone, I knew I had to pay my respects on Saturday. I woke up at around 730 and traversed Brooklyn, rode with them into Long Island, and meditated on what I would witness.

I knew I’d feel a little something when I saw my cousins V and N crying; it was only a matter of what they would do that would trigger the waterworks. The priest gave the Mass in Creole, so I relied mainly on knowing the rituals, though missing major parts of the ceremony like the homily. Then, I heard probably the best speech I’ve heard live from none other than N, in English, but as eloquent and soulful as I’ve ever heard anyone in my family. I just wish I could remember it word-for-word; I was too busy drying my face to soak in anything.

Throughout the speech, I just felt like she was talking about my mom and my father, who I’d already written a few preemptive eulogies for my father. She reached into a part of me I almost wish she hadn’t, and shrunk any pending frustrations I have with those relatives into trivia, because more than anything, I realized how important and vital they are to my life. Sometimes it takes these huge collisions to really let you show your soul …

jose, who really doesn’t want to go to school tomorrow, really …

After that passionate imaginary letter I wrote to one of my students on Tuesday, a few questions came up about how I approached the situation.

Did your administration support you through this decision?

In a word, yes. Though I knew I was right and I thought about my decision clearly, I still consulted with fellow teachers and administration, and I got the right response. I didn’t have to ask my principal because the assistant principal was enough. I know a lot of my fellow bloggers find themselves in more dire straits, but I also notice a lot of principals who blog that say I’m somehow stifling the young man’s creativity and individuality. The next three questions should address that.

By not letting him go to the trip, aren’t you promoting a perpetual cycle of failure for him?

In some ways I understand the question, but in realistic terms, no. I believe I was rather clear about the chances I’ve given him, and if he can’t respect that, then what happens when we’re actually outside and I’m responsible for his well-being and safety on the subway or anywhere else? Furthermore, what kind of message does that send to the kids who do behave well and make a decent effort to do well socially and academically? I have students who once messed up but improved significantly in all the major areas and they’re getting a chance to go on trips, so for this student, that’s not the case. He hasn’t been an exemplary student, and there have to be consequences.

Don’t you think you’re pushing your kid so hard to fit a mold that you’ll squash his “creativity and independent spirit”?

Again, a somewhat valid question, but one that I’m more than willing to squash. (I’m not sure where either of these qualities comes into the argument of whether or not the student deserves a trip or not, but whatever.) If we think of the most creative and independent spirits of our time, I can make a pretty safe assumption that, in order for them to break the rules, they must learn and master them. Every rapper had a favorite rap song they knew every word to, and wrapped their head around that favorite style until they found their own niche. Same goes for artists, and even teachers. This student needs to learn the rules and understand why we make those rules before he goes off and becomes an independent high school student and eventually college. That’s the difference between someone who’s self-reliant and one who’s a recluse.

Also note that I consider myself rather creative and more often than not allow for creativity and independence in my classroom, but in a constructive and positive manner. We also need to find ways to hone that. The most talented athletes may not always be the most successful, but the most successful athletes have an excellent mix of talent and discipline. Then again, you’d have to have read my blog for more than one post, or actually read the whole post to see that.

Isn’t using a trip or any “escape from school” demeaning the purpose of school itself?

Let’s flip that question on its head then: do you think we should have trips at all then? And if so, then are you taking everyone? Again, just from yesterday’s experience with my students, I have a pretty good idea of what the answers to those questions are. I know how trips often help develop the civil skills of my students, and helps me gauge how much they’ve grown socially as well as academically. When, for instance, I can take them to the park and they can interact with their teachers and fellow students without the confines of the school building, it changes things a little bit. Unless you a) find yourself really uncomfortable with the group of students who you’re trying to take out, 2) your group of students don’t merit getting a trip, especially one on your own dime or 3) are a bit of a hermit / curmudgeon, then I can’t see anyone trying to discredit teachers for taking their students on a class trip.

Then again, I think my reasoning was pretty clear, and for people who insist on playing the devil’s advocate on these questions have to come correct. I’m not asking for the children to be perfect, but here’s the order:

1. He cut class.
2. He begs for trip.
3. I say, “If you cut class again, you don’t get this privilege.”
4. He cuts class again.
5. I decline his invitation.

Done. Respond as you please.

jose, who has a few more trips to go on …