There I go, quoting another rapper again. I consider myself a rap fan by most standards, but today especially, I recognize the power of their words. When Jay-Z speaks of the “genesis of a nemesis” when telling of the birth of a drug dealer, when 2Pac speaks of hopelessness throughout most of his records, and when Joe Budden points out this blog’s title, discussing just how hard it is out there for people who don’t see a way out, I hear it and have been exposed to it for decades. Yesterday was the first day, though, that a foregone conclusion of the street soldier / thug lifestyle hit this close to home.

My cousin Richard was a young, handsome, charismatic man who frankly got caught up in the life. I don’t want to put all of his business out there, but over the last 10 years, he’s spent more time in the clink than out of it, and in some ways, it hurt. It’s family that’s in there. He was the first guy who made me a Yankees fan before 96, teaching me about Don Mattingly, Bernie Williams, Paul O’Neill, and Jim Leyritz. He made it cool. He was always winning the sports trophies at the local Boys’ Club, and he always had the hottest girl in the class. He had a drive and a way of selling himself that made you an instant believer. And of course, he always had the latest rap mixtape in his crib.

But I also know of the fights we got into in our youth, the trouble he constantly got into, the secrets he told me that shook me for almost a week, his 2 daughters by different mothers that he loved but he couldn’t always keep up with, and the habits that he got caught up in were hazardous for his mental and physical health. Despite the disappointment I felt about how his life turned out, seeing his cadaver yesterday reminds me why I do what I do. He had just gotten out of jail, but like so many of our troubled youth, he predicted his own death, and in timely fashion.

I’m loath to call him a rat, a piece of shit, or a worthless vagabond, terms that have been used for him. That was my cousin. I knew something was wrong with him when I felt my heart tighten up the night before. He’s one of the primary reasons I do more than just worry if my kids are scoring high on their state tests. In the position I’m in, I find myself conscious of the effect I have on some of my own children, especially when I already see some of them turning into my cousin. When your life expectancy is “any day now,” investing in your own life is really about the short term.

And the rain yesterday washed over us like a baptism, carrying his soul to a place where he doesn’t have to worry about these Earthly things …

RIP my cousin Rich …

jose, who has no idea how he’s getting into school tomorrow like this …

Before I continue, a quick apology / shoutout to The Science Goddess at What It’s Like on the Inside. I never shouted you out for hosting / posting a great Ed Carnival, and I should have. Whoops.

Today, I began reading my Derek Jeter-covered Men’s Health, and in it, they start, as usual, with a letter from the editor Dave Zinczenko about leadership, and the intangibles, a set of characteristics that have defined Derek’s whole career. Yet, it takes decades to prepare and foster a baseball player of his caliber into the man he is today. Sure, most of the credit goes to his own determination and will-power, yet every baseball fan, Yankee fan or not, recognizes that his evolution into future first-ballot Hall of Famer and legend started from really young, and that talent was developed over time, and with a considerable amount of practice.

If we give it thought, his real career started at the little league level, developing the necessary skills and mannerisms that would eventually give him successful options in the future. His stats and awards weren’t important, though I’m sure he received a few. His coaches most likely saw promise in the little things that he did, and those elements separated him from the others. Did he always show up on time? How did he handle defeats? Was he early to practice? Does he contribute positive to his environment? Is he a valuable member of the team or only out for himself?

Maybe we personally can’t answer those questions, but we know that whenever he fell out of line, his coaches reminded him, and his parents made sure he followed through with his passion. The answers to some of the aforementioned questions made Jeter into the leader we see him as today. He wasn’t nor is he perfect. At times, he can be a little vindictive, and he’s sometimes called out teammates in the media when he probably shouldn’t have. However, we still have the deepest respect for him as the captain of arguably the most legendary team in America.

The assumed role of educators from Little League and high school to Double and Triple-A is undoubtedly to make sure is to make sure their players realize their potential on and even off the field. On the field, the managers have the most direct impact on whether the player will succeed baseball-wise. Yes, we’ve seen countless examples of athletes whose extracurricular activities often hinder their progress, some ending in tragic endings. Yet, we also see examples of players who, when moved from one team to the next, do better in the latter team or vice versa, and that has lots to do with the managers they’ve worked with.

It gets even more complex if we look deeper into the managerial styles of these students. Are they in-your-face old school style like Lou Pinella, or laid back and patient like Joe Torre? Are they blunt and fiery like Ozzie Guillen or the men of men like Terry Francona? Do they live in the tape room or just have a knack for managing? We also understand the roles of a Brian Cashman or a Billy Beane in making sure the right staff comes together, but we can also see how the mere presence of a manager in the dugout can completely revamp the way the team sits in there. Do they look downtrodden or are they in intense anticipation?

And maybe our students don’t always turn out to be a Derek, much the way some of us aren’t Tony LaRussa, but every manager has the potential to help a player become a strong leader, so even if his or her baseball career fizzles out, the student still remembers and reuses the same skills of patience, hard work, perfect practice, and determination in the other fields they wish to play in. Any role player, utility player, journeyman, or All-Star recognizes these essentials, but it’s the manager pushing the buttons, making sure they remember these pillars, and even through the harshest of times, getting his players ready for the postseason …

jose, who wants to be the greatest manager for his team …

p.s. - I recognize that professional baseball managers make a boatload more money than we do, but this is purely about the analogy.

p.p.s. - For the record, yesterday was the first day I eclipsed over 300 hits, so shout-outs to Taylor for that nod you gave to my post yesterday about the Holocaust and Maafa :-).

I became a baseball fan when I was around 9 years old, when the Yankees were getting their butts beat in the division by the Orioles and the Red Sox. Bernie Williams was still getting booed and everyone except Don Mattingly knew they weren’t going to make it to the championships. Buck Showalter did break us into first place in 1994, but in that year and 1995, we won a playoff bid … and that was about it.

Joe Torre came in at a time when there was lots of promise, but more uncertainty. He had a bunch of stints with the Mets, Cardinals, and the Braves. That wasn’t very productive other than a NL Division Series with the Braves. In other words, a whole lot of nothing. Before the Yanks, he was hoping people remembered his more prolific player stats. Since he came though, it’s been nothing short of magic. Some say he just rode Buck Showalter’s coat tails, but that’s far from the truth.

The truth lies in that stoic face that lies in the dugout under the fresh brimmed hat and the saggy jacket. It lies in the little drag-trot to the mound when he relieves a pitcher, or even in his post-game interviews when he turns the tide on a rather hostile New York sports media. It’s his decision-making that was really critical to Yankees’ success. He took the core group of Andy Pettite, Jorge Posada, Mariano Rivera, and Derek Jeter, and molded them into the exalted men that we know today. Outside of Gary Sheffield and Kenny Lofton (who are both so popular, they’ve been through almost the entire league between them), he helped transform the images of plenty of men. Everyone from Darryl Strawberry and Dwight Gooden to David Wells and Bernie Williams benefited from having Joe Torre there as an example of good behavior.

4 World Series, 12 consecutive appearances, but also a man who exemplified the strength of New York during 9/11 and with his own personal battles with domestic violence (upon him during his youth) and prostate cancer. He was usually the voice of reason and the bed of emotion when we needed it. Even when he faltered during the 2006 playoffs (worst move: moving A-Rod to 8th, which I’ll discuss if / when there’s a Yankee decision about him), he still found a way to make the team gel.

None of this excuses his 3 straight early exits from the playoffs to teams we were heavily favored against. After all, we know he’s coaching a 200$ million club, and they have the greatest of expectations. He’s the 8th winningest coach, and the one of the greatest coaches in the modern era in any sport, and he had the highest salary of any coach, making at least 2 times more than the next highest paid coach.

And to this, I say, “So?” This year has been the 2nd most trying year of his career professionally (last year was the most). His team was 21-29 and 14.5 games back of the rival Boston Red Sox. The New York Mets were primed to be the #1 team and were in this city for much of the year. Every pitcher except for Andy Pettite had some sort of injury, and we had 13 different starting pitchers in lieu of that. Even with their backs against the wall, they never lost their composure. He kept the team’s demeanor very professional, and he’s also the only manager who could probably handle the situation of a group of $200 million egos with everything from public infidelity and endorsements to whiners and steroids. He covered Brian Cashman’s ass even when he didn’t intend to, blunting the deathly sword of imports like Hideki Irabu, Carl Pavano, and Kei Igawa (still a pending situation).  And most of all, he’s had the longest tenure of any Yankee manager under the Steinbrenner era; that’s coming from an owner who publicly tried to dig up dirt on his own players and managers just to get rid of them.

He had his faults, and that’s something we all forgave, like abusing his relievers (Tanyon Sturtze and Scott Proctor) and not letting pitchers always go full innings, which led to the former problems. Yet, he was a man who beat and surpassed the odds. He just made everything feel like it was going to be alright, and that comforts us. Things are so unstable in life, and his consistency always reassured us. Before him, we had 17 Yankee managerial changes with 9 managers, so I’m sure we’ll never have that kind of manager for the next decade or so.

Personally, Joe’s someone who exemplifies that leadership so many of us wish we could be, and in times of tumult, he came through. He left on his own terms, and that’s the best we could have asked for as an organization. The contract wasn’t good, and a very condescending and merit-based contract. His leaving truly signals the end of an era for the Yankees, and with George Steinbrenner looking like he’s on the outs, too, it’s only right that Yankees Stadium’s occupation will soon be over.

You can’t replace a man like Torre; you can only hope to be close to average.

jose, who’s humming “New York, New York” by Frank Sinatra …

When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom, let it be …

While everyone’s been hitting up my blog for the #1 search term for this website / $252 million dollar scapegoat of the New York Yankees, I had but one thought: let it be. I’ve had the song in my head since I envisioned my Beatle-themed post over the last week or so. It was like a message to me about the Yanks. There will be Canadian locusts in game 2 of this year’s playoffs, opposing teams playing like mirror images of the Yankees dynasty teams (2003 Marlins, 2006 Tigers, and 2007 Indians), New Yankee Stadium curses , and #13’s clutch moment that wasn’t back in Game 4 of the 2004 ALCS. Yet, it really all comes down to just letting it be.

I haven’t responded to the last posts’ comments because I’ve been giving a lot of thought to the idea of idealism, especially as it concerns my favorite team and my profession. It’s a trait I’ve come to love / hate. It works well with other idealists, but doesn’t work as smoothly with pragmatic points of view. For instance, during my training for this position, I was told (notice I didn’t mention names) that my idealism wouldn’t make me a good teacher, and I wouldn’t make it through my term.

Since then, I’ve managed to inspire a hundred plus kids, and have enjoyed my job thoroughly, even to the point where I might want to do this for life. Teaching math is in many ways satisfying. Outside of the politics, it’s become a platform for growth, and I love discussing my experiences with friends and family. While it doesn’t have the social stature it does in other countries, I’m certainly shown a lot of respect and admiration by my people all around me, and that’s rewarding in and of itself.

Yet, I look around in the edu-sphere and try to understand how some of my fellow teacher bloggers and co-workers got to the point that they did. Very few of the teachers have maintained that idealism; is it because of age or does the environment matter? Does idealism have an inverse relationship with age and wisdom or do the actions and policies of the greater administration takes these idealistic and young men and women and remake them into bitter and angry veterans?

I see the value in fighting for one’s rights in a time when the higher-ups constantly want to put a dent into the civil rights and personal freedoms many of us enjoy. We need speakers and protesters for the voiceless and weary. On the same end, we don’t hear enough stories about what’s happening in those classrooms, and getting a chance to represent our profession to its fullest extent. Some bloggers do an excellent job of detailing their triumphs and troubles, but in general, even when I read some of my angrier posts, I ask why we’re even in the profession to begin with.

Of course I love being a teacher, and this profession has led me to a wonderful group of people far and near. It’s also given me a world view of my profession, and how on World Teachers’ Day, we still preferred apathy and misery over optimism and idealism.

And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,
there will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,
there will be an answer. let it be.

Let it be, let it be, …

jose, who’s back to watching the Boondocks episode he missed last night …

Those that need an explanation as to why people made a big uproar over the Jena 6 need no further comment from me after this:

First off, let me just say that the reason why Jena 6 is so important is because the justice system is doing an injustice to its own system. I understand that there has to be punishment for any kid beating up on another kid so violently, but to send the 6 to jail when the “victim” went out to party the morning after is absolutely absurd. What’s more, because the justice system wasn’t working in their favor when they first brought up the issue of the ropes hanging from the tree (they were told the equivalent of “Oh they’re just playing around. It’s nothing.”), as kids, they found no other solution but to rebell and act out. A schoolyard fight is means for 15 years in jail but mock death threats are cool?

This after some dimwits decided to derisively reenact the Jena 6 incident and post it on Facebook. When asked for comment, Kristy Smith, whose Facebook profile became private said, “We were just playin n the mud and it got out of hand. I promise i’m not racist. i have just as many black friends as i do white. And i love them to death.” Like reaching for a life preserver after you’ve drowned.

In any case, New York baseball has become rather helter skelter as of the last two weeks. I won’t get into the Anucha Brown Sanders vs. MSG / New York Knicks deal today, but rather my energies turn to, what else, the Yankees and the Mets. The 2 top teams in any sport for the tri-state area at this juncture are the Yanks and Mets, and only one made it to the postseason.

One of them was seen as an absolute, overpaid, and miserable failure 50 games into the season while the other triumphed and galloped to its podium as the ambassadors of its league. People’s alliances quickly changed through that murky period to the more triumphant team. Then something happened: the team with the worse record started performing well and the winning team suddenly became lackadaisical. And now we stand here with only one New York baseball team in the playoffs and the other frustrated and upset with its own overconfidence.

If you would have told me this story as some psychic from the future, I would have said that the first team was the Mets and the second team was the Yankees. Yet, it’s really the Yankees that showed the heart to come back from what looked like an unfathomable deficit to qualify for the playoffs. On the other side of the river, the Mets lost all their composure, and basically embarrassing themselves with that 17-game stretch to end the year. Alas, all is right with the world.

The Mets’ swagger really caught up to them in a big way. Lethargic, uncaring, and unfocused are just some of the words we can use to describe that team. Sometimes when you keep getting fed, you eventually lose all the hunger that you first started out with. In the meantime, the Yankees ran out and actually beat most teams handily (save the Angels, who I’m glad they don’t have to meet.)

As a Yankees fan, I’m happy as hell the Yankees don’t have to see the Angels in the first round because they’re the only team that has a winning record against the Yanks in the last 13 or so seasons. Of course, I’m also pulling for the most popular search term to my blog: Mr. Alex Rodriguez, who Howard Bryant wrote about in his recent article, “King of Gotham“). While I understand that he’s the product of the most evil agent on the face of this Earth, I also think very highly of his skills and love how he really proved every A-Rod hater wrong this year.

Here’s hoping he continues to do so, but if the Yankees don’t make it, you can’t Blame-Rod for this one. He basically carried the Yanks to the second season for 3/4th of the season. Besides, it’s a 25-player game. Jeter, Posada, Rivera, Chamberlain, and Wang need to continue to produce. Everyone from the starting pitchers, the bullpen, to the coaches, the on-field defense, and the line-up all have to do their job to make this work. And they have to play hard every single game, something the Mets forgot to do since September 1st.

jose, who’s appreciative of having a team to root for in earnest every october since 1995

My second day started off with a huge group hug from some of my former 8th graders, and a lot of screaming up and down the block. I was stunned; I assumed these kids had to be at their schools by that time, but they had definitely waited in front of the building for me. They told me how much they missed me and how they came to visit me the afternoon before at 4pm but I wasn’t there. Their talk made me dizzy, but I tried to hurry them on to school, partly because I wanted to maintain my persona as bad-a$$ teacher. I can’t let my 6th graders know I’m really a nice guy. That’ll destroy me for the year.

My days have been alright. As of today, I’m officially a veteran, and not because of anything I’ve said or done, but because now I’ve officially taught one of my former students’ brothers or sisters. As a matter of fact, I believe a good 6 of my students have brothers or sisters who I have taught in my previous years. That lets me know a lot. Yet, I’m also establishing a different relationship with these kids; I’m a year older, smarter, faster, and stronger in the school. I hope to be a much more effective teacher, but I’ll still carry the same enthusiasm and compassion I did with those graduates of my program.

Today, I came up with the great idea of reteaching the procedures. For the class that actually got through my principles (“Be the change you want to see in the world, freedom is not free, and walk on water.”), they got a mock quiz on the 3 principles and what it meant to them. Unfortunately, it was the only class I could give that type of mock quiz to. The other classes didn’t have as fruitful a discussion on it, but it’s OK because I’m giving them another day.

All the classes still had to go over the original procedures. They lined up outside before they got into my classroom. Then, they quietly sat down, got out their notebooks, copied the “objective” and “do now,” and listened attentively for the directions. Remember that.

Then through inquiry, I got them to make up a list of the 7-step method for my classroom. We practiced it by me simply calling out the number that corresponded to what they were supposed to be doing. For instance, I said 6 and 7, and they tucked in their chairs, got their belongings, and lined up outside quietly. Then I said, 1, 2, and 3, and they walked inside, said good morning before they entered into the classroom, got into their chairs, took out their materials, and started writing the do now and objective.

Of course, I had a little fun. They couldn’t do #4 without me, so for that, I asked, “How was your summer?” Only some people raised their hands (that’s #4). I told everyone to put their hands down and we tried again. “How was your summer?” And everyone raised their hand. Now to do #5, I had to lead a discussion about their summers, and asked everyone else questions about what the other person said about their summer. When I asked them, “which procedure is that?” they pointed to #4 and 5, which are “Raise your hand,” and “Respect and listen when another person is speaking.” These are procedures I definitely wanted to focus on.

As we completed all three, I realized just how wonderful I’m doing at this juncture. As far as classroom procedures, I’m doing much better than my previous years.Because of what I’ve heard about the incoming 6th graders, I was happy to offer some semblance of structure. I also called up 9 random parents, just so I could build a reputation with the kids that they just won’t miss …

mr. v, who’s listening to Chuck Mangione’s “Give It All You Got,” off the album Fun and Games ..

p.s. - Not that I need to say this, but let’s go Yankees.

Ever since I started typing opinionated blogs in my last venue, I’ve always had interesting search strings attached to my blogs, including “Toastee from Flavor of Love,” “F)(% Bush,” and “hot sexy black @$$.” (Yes, I’m censoring myself a bit.) Since then I’ve tried my best to keep my references to pop culture and sex specific and concise, but even still Google did me no justice.

That is, until this blog.

Now, I’m associated with exactly what I like to be. Let’s check some of these, won’t we?

1. NYCTF -

Totally makes sense. I’m one of the more prominent fellows that blogs regularly about his experience. Unlike others in the Village Voice, I’ve had a more positive experience, but I’ll get into that this week tomorrow.

2. Hot Ghetto Mess -

Not that I’m a Hot Ghetto Mess, but many of you took a liking to my commentary about HGM, and that’s great. Even with the name change, it doesn’t matter. BET is a HGM, so it’s ironically fitting that it’d be on that station.

3. Alex Rodriguez -

I don’t have a problem being associated with A-Rod at all. I find it rather hilarious really. He’s AL MVP as far as I’m concerned, and I called it since the beginning of the year. If / when he signs with the New York Yankees for the remainder of his career, I have a feeling you’ll see even more of his name around these parts. I just hope people aren’t looking for naked pictures of any strippers he’s been associated with.

4. Vilson -

Do I need to explain this? Though I find it funny that despite being the only Vilson in my family that can’t speak a lick of Haitian Creole, I’m the one that stands out in the Internet’s peripheral.

5. Up, down, up, down, left, right, left, right, A, B, select, and start -

This one’s my favorite because I’m now associated with only the greatest cheat code on Earth. For those not in the know, that was from the acclaimed video game Contra.

1) Once you’ve been tagged, link your most recent bookmarked pages back to your blog
2) Name the tag that you have used so others can access the links easily in a blog post
3) At the end of your post, tag 6 people and list their names, linking to them.
4) Leave a comment on their blog, letting them know they’ve been tagged. (I might not be able to do this today)Here are six of the most recent bookmarks in my bookmarks folder:

1. Soulja Pooh Boy - a video interpretation of a popular Southern rap song, sponsored by Winnie the Pooh (funny ish)
2. Jack Wiler - His poetry is just hilarious yet sincere to me.
3. “Sin City” effect on Photoshop - This is where I got the inspiration to do that Sin City look my parent website has.
4. Pandagon’s “The Telltale WMD’s” - It’s not that bloggers want to take away people’s jobs; it’s that most political bloggers want them to do it fully and correctly.
5. The Manager’s Cheat Sheet: 101 Common Sense Rules for Leaders - A list of some of the things “leaders” often forget. Good for teachers, too.
6. Sad Kermit’s “Creep” - OMG, it’s so depressing but hilarious. Please, if you don’t do anything else, just click on this link. Oh fuck it. Here it is.

I’m supposed to tag other people here, but feel free to tag yourself.

jose, who’s got a thing for educational books, and lots of them

Borrowed from J. Dakar:

The Rules:
1. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
2. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged write their own blog post about their eight things and include these rules.
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged and that they should read your blog.
5. 8 is a magic number. Though three is the magic number. (I changed this line.)

Eight Obscure Things About Me:

1. Derek Jeter’s my favorite baseball player. I love the heart and determination he shows on and off the field. From baggin’ every chick most dudes want to to baggin’ awards and stats left and right, he’s the epitome of awesome. That and the media gives him a pass for everything he does. He’s one of NY’s true kings. Plus, I got his home and away jerseys.

2. Alex Rodriguez is now a close second, surpassing just about anyone I can think of. I think the fact that he’s been playing with a “chip on his shoulder” really endears me to him more than anything. Despite the little blond streaks and the cheating sprees, he’s still a fantastic player on both ends of the field, so give him his crown already people. If he stays in NY, give him his “true Yankee” label already. ::rolls eyes::

2. If something were to ever happen to my favorite city ever (NYC), I’d move to either D.C., Chicago, or San Francisco. Let’s not let that happen, though.

3. As a math teacher, I gotta say: I didn’t choose math; math chose me. When I filled out the application through the NYCTF process, I don’t even remember what I wrote in, but they figured since I have a computer science degree, I must be good at math. I’m good, but if I had a choice, I’d teach … everything. Math, ELA, and social studies. Then again, maybe not. Math it is.

4. I have a slew of books I haven’t read yet, and that are waiting to be read. By my estimates, it’s a good 25 of them. I’ll get to them eventually …

5. I sing along to my favorite songs on my iPod (Common’s Finding Forever currently on rotation), no matter what song it is or time of day. I don’t care how people look at me; I’m going to sing and/or rap, f******.

6. I search for myself on Google just to see if my name is inappropriately associated with anything … and usually run into very interesting things. It’s mostly positive now, but wow.

7. I’m somewhere in between obscure and easily found. I have a MySpace, Facebook, Yahoo, AIM, MSN, GMail, my own site, an NYCDOE e-mail, CCNY, Syr, and a few other accounts out there I haven’t taken into account. I’ve had most of the social networking sites even before they became trendy. With that said, people always say how hard it is to reach me. Please …

8. The five contemporary famous people I’d like to meet are: Common, Derek Jeter, Alex Rodriguez, Jay-Z, and Joe Budden. There it goes. The Rock would be cool, and I’ve already met Talib, Rakim, and Chuck D, so I’m fine.

Tag. You’re it:

You, you, you, you, you, you, you, and you …

jose, going to New Orleans this weekend …

I just got back from a really good rendering of the TV-to-silver screen movie The Simpsons Movie, and it was awesome. It fulfilled its enormous expectations, and I’m really happy. This could have been an absolute bomb like so many TV-to-movie movies are, but no. I’d rather not give any spoilers here, though I’m sure they aren’t hard to find at all.

Once I logged in, I checked my Slimstats and noticed I’m the #1 search for “Alex Rodriguez steroids.” Apparently, Jose Canseco made some interesting allegations against Alex, stating that he had something “in store” for everyone in his next book. In response to the linked blog, I responded

“Great. Now Boston fans’ll start wearing T-shirts that say ‘Jeter Injects A-Rod.’ Because that’s exactly what we need right now. Wasn’t it enough for Jose to ride the bench for the 2000 Yankee championship or to be part of one of the greatest Simpsons episodes of all time?”

In short, I believe:

ALEX RODRIGUEZ DID NOT DO STEROIDS!

Really, as right as Canseco’s been about everyone, the list of guys he named before were people the common sports fan could point out. But A-Rod? Really? I call BS on it for three very simple facts:

1) When’s the last time A-Rod’s missed an exorbitant amount of time for injuries?

2) A-Rod’s head’s actually grown smaller since the Texas days, which says a lot. (If you’re under the NY media scrutiny, that’s easy.)

3) Alex is practically the same size he was since he started in Seattle.

Maybe it’s also because I consider myself a big fan of his and really rooted for his reemergence since last year’s abysmal playoffs. Maybe it’s because I’m also biased towards the Yankees, my favorite (winning) team in the world. I can’t see the shock of this wearing off anytime in the near future. Baseball also might be in shock because he’s the clearest hope for a steroid-free player to clear out Barry Bonds’ soon-to-be home run record.

However, that’s mainly because I wholeheartedly believe he didn’t do steroids. He got a little bigger only during last season, and that slowed him some, but he still put up some awesome numbers nonetheless. This year, he’s having a phenomenal year, and for Canseco to bring out this information now is consistent with wanting to make sure his book does well. If he really did do anything out of the ordinary, we would have seen Alex amongst the 20 or so players subpoenaed by the government, or at least in the Game of Shadows book when so much of the steroids research was done or even his first book, Juiced.

More importantly, though, I want to see this ugliness over. Most baseball fans can agree with that. Once the last of the prominent steroid figures leaves, the rest of us can get back to actually enjoying baseball as the sports it is and not in this Cansecoism (think McCarthyism) we’re constantly under.

G_d, Canseco, you’re ruining my first name. Be gone, please.

jose

Alex Rodriguez comes up to bat against the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, bottom of the 8th with the bases loaded, and I’m yelling at the screen like, “PLEASE! Oh my G_D no! They’re gonna boo him, and he’s going to blow it.” I shut my eyes for a bit and went back to my writing as A-Rod struck out in fashion.

Of course, the boos came with a thunder only NYY fans can produce, and it hurt a little bit because I’ve pulled for him since 2004, when we wouldn’t have even had these A-Rod conversations if it wasn’t for our choke at the hands of the Red Sox that year. I’ve also denounced what it means to be a true Yankee other than years as a Yankee, only because some of the Yankees we consider to be “true” were paid mercenaries, and before free agency, the best players came to the Yankees with no restrictions.

Yet, we lay all these ridiculous expectations on A-Rod because the Yankees are paying him 16 mil a year (the Rangers took 9 mil off Steinbrenner’s hands), which makes sense on paper, but ridiculous in real life. Often, what matters in a person’s image is the ratio between people’s expectations of you and how you as a person react and enact those expectations.

I’ve done a lot of thinking about myself in that respect. People who love(d) me have always had high expectations for me, and have looked to me because I wear many hats. I’ve succeeded in many aspects of my life, and often carry an omniscient demeanor. I play the role of brother, son, teacher, student, friend, listener, lover, … the list goes longer than I could have imagined and I play these roles as well as I could.

As of late, though, I’ve felt these roles become far too heavy for my person. I began to take out my frustrations on the easiest parts of my life, such as my loved ones. At first, it showed up as a little acid in my stomach, but by today, it grew to a full-blown cancer. My childhood ailments began to resurface in a cloud of insecurity. For the first time in a few years, I feared not having the fortitude to play these roles for the ones I loved.

After some counseling over coffee from a loved one, shopping and a wicked double feature also known as Grindhouse, the stars realigned in my favor. I look at my own life now and realize that only I can live my life and this never ending quest for excellence will come with pain and suffering; if not, then I’d have nothing to sell in my soon-to-be best-selling biography (Even in pain, I have to have my wits about me).