“How do you show students you care and love them?”
Someone asked me that this afternoon. And every other week. Shout-out to the other eighth grade math teacher who asked it. I’m not about the touchy-feely stuff; I prefer to discuss techniques, strategies, and content where possible. I prefer to talk about race, class, gender, and take long walks in the city. I prefer to make sarcastic comments where possible, and tweet about the sociopolitical implications of the actions and inactions of our society.
I prefer to tell you that you shouldn’t show too much emotion on the first day. But I’m lying about that last part.
Because the five ways you show students you care is really about closing the gap between the person you are outside the classroom and the person you are in the classroom. That’s why these five rules are gonna take you real far:
- Show them.
- Show them.
- Show them.
- Show them.
- Show them.
It’s really simple. As I’ve found over the years, I can’t keep the straight face too long, and it’s more stressful to do so. I used to be a proponent of “no smiling until November,” but I noticed that, as I became better as a teacher, I needed to let that act go. Students respond better to teachers that overtly show care and love up front, so when it’s time to be firm, there’s a different level of respect there.
1) Tell them on Day 1.
On the first day, I plan to use words like “love,” “care,” and “respect” early and often. That’s because it front-loads the emotions I’d like to see in my classroom in case we inevitably get to harder parts of the year. I don’t have to tell children all year that I care about them because I already affirmed that. Also, words aren’t enough.
2) Save the yelling.
Please. For all of our ears. Learn instead to firm up your voice when it’s time to get serious, and diffuse situations that don’t need your voice when the situation doesn’t call for it. In the middle of trying to prove we’re bad and can’t be messed with, we risk losing our cool when the situation required more calm. For example, if the student is sleeping on a desk, there’s no need to yell as the student doesn’t pose a danger for anyone in the classroom. Instead, find a way to pull the student out and have the conversation, tell the student why that’s not acceptable, and then give steps for what’s expected (or refer the student to someone who can get her / him that nap).
3) Look prepared.
Having clean desks is a sure sign that you care. Having rituals and routines in some form shows students you care too. My desk is usually messy, but my students’ desks? Clean. Almost all year and without reservation. The environments they’re in matter a lot more than we give it credit for.
4) Greet them in one way, shape, or form.
Saying “good morning,” and strongly encouraging -cough cough- this opens up the classroom. It means you’re acknowledging each other’s humanities before you focus on the academic elements of your work. Some students may want to focus strictly on academics, but most of the students I know prefer building a relationship with the adult in front of them for almost an hour a day.
If we understand that learning is not linear, we then see how even some of the language we use puts students at a severe disadvantage. Math is supposed to be a rigid subject, devoid of ambiguities and interpretation. But the way to let students in is to assure that we explore those grey areas of math. For example, I’m happy when students reduce 50/100 into 25/50 because it means they understand the concept of reduction. Too many math teachers say that’s completely wrong. 25/50 gives the student more room for exploration. Similar analogies can be made across other subject areas, but saying “you’re wrong” is often a failure in communication to children who are seeking a path to success.
These are just some ways that we can show students we care. Yes, congratulate them on their birthdays. Yes, listen to their music and understand where they’re coming from. Yes, pat them on the back or acknowledge them in non-verbal ways.
Most importantly, make it clear that you do acts of caring year-round. Don’t wait ’til December. Because you don’t want to start building a relationship when half the year is practically over. That’s a set of relationships wasted.
This is a great piece. I’d like to add an extension of one you mentioned. It relates to caring about a student’s music, etc. My number #1 was showing students I cared about them outside of my class. Making the effort to know them as people who are interested in cartooning, reading fantasy novels, or sports teams, etc. I always made an effort to know who their friends were, what made them feel special, their hidden talents, so I could celebrate them. I wanted students to know I saw and valued them as people. No matter how they perform or whether they specifically are drawn to the subject matter we love to teach, it’s important for teachers to make the effort to show students in as many ways as we can that we look forward to their presence and participation in our classrooms.
Author
Yes. I used that early and often this year and since I started, to great effect. I made them the “teacher” of this music (though usually I heard of it before) and they were all too excited to see me incorporate it.
“Save the yelling.” Yes – for your sake, and your students’.
Author
Yes indeed!
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During a recent class session in which I am a student, the professor asked the class, “Do you want to know the secret to getting your students to do well on standardized tests?” I am starting my fifth year teaching Kindergarten yet, I found myself eagerly leaning forward along with my classmates; many of whom have not yet gone beyond student teaching. Although I was certain I had heard all the secrets to helping students pass exams, I was interested in this particular teacher’s perspective because I respect him immensely. He answered his prompt by saying, “You love ‘em!”
Your post is so timely because I have recently been reflecting on what makes a teacher good and beyond that, what makes a teacher truly effective. A truly authentic relationship between teachers and students is the foundation upon which student success is built. Understanding that means that teachers set out with the purpose of being their authentic selves in class, allowing for those relationships to develop. The innate thing in educators that drives us to teach is sometimes the thing we check at the door when joining a new school district or learning a new campus’ way of doing things. My charge to us all is to hold fast to the essence within that called us to teach to begin with because that is the force that will influence students to feel comfortable and know we care.
I embark on tomorrow feeling newly encouraged. We started student intake meetings today, during which we meet our new families and administer a baseline assessment to the starting Kindergarteners. While obtaining that data is important to me, what is paramount is setting a tone that makes students and their families feel welcome and motivated to become invested in our learning community. By modeling my authentic self, including moments of self-reflection and humility, I hope students will feel comfortable to be and learn as their authentic selves in my classroom. Thank you for the motivation.
Author
Good luck tomorrow and hope you have a fantastic school year. This was a good pick-me-up :-).
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