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In Love With Two Women

by Jose Vilson on January 7, 2008

Mother and SonA few weekends ago, I went to AnnMary’s crib, where I got to see Ray and my godson, Josiah. He’s a little browner now (as in more brown, people), and has got the ill forehead. It’s adorable how he’s got a big head like his father and his godfather. I told AnnMary that we might make this baby tri-lingual: English, Cantonese, and Spanish. He’d also learn merengue by at least pre-kindergarten from his own godfather ::ahem::, making him a certifiable ladykiller by 6 years old. At first, we laughed it off, but then she said something peculiar: “No, he’s not leaving me. I’ll always love him, and he doesn’t need any other women. Right Jo-Jo? You only need your mommy, yes you do.”

I can’t blame AnnMary; she’s the mom and that’s what moms usually say. Innocent mothers avoid that Oedipal complex as much as their sons do in their youth, but it’s rather unavoidable in its many forms. Our mothers are the first women we fall in love with. As gross as it sounds, it’s the first womb we come out of, and the first sexual encounter we have. Hence, it’s only right that mothers think of themselves as their sons’ first love. Yet, that mentality also creates a false sense of loyalty that inevitably puts most men in a dichotomous relationship between the “main woman” and the “other woman,” even if that “other woman” is not necessarily a romantic relationship.

It usually starts well past the aunts, female cousins, and friends’ moms because they usually pose no threat. He may look towards them sometimes and fancy whether they might make a better parent for them. They may even inspire visions of fornication in his youth, but usually the boy runs right back to his mother. The treat to the relationship between mother and son is that first girl that the boy likes. The mother’s there with her eagle eye, smiling with her full grin, but also shaping how the boy should think about the girl. Usually, the mother’s there giving sound advice on being a gentleman and just asking about his whereabouts, but implicitly letting him know that she’s the first woman, even when she doesn’t recognize it at first.

But the boy gets comfortable, and sees more than one woman, and that’s when the mother tries to pull in the reigns, which causes an equal and opposite reaction from the boy who starts to see his romantic life as a chance to cheat on his first relationship with his mother. That’s why most guys don’t give details of their whereabouts to their mother. The uncanny part is, the mother can pretty much tell all along what’s happening with his son; after all, taking residence in one’s womb for 9 months lets mothers psychologically hook up to the dude’s mental computer.

Once the boy gains some footing, and the mother realizes that her son’s grown up and out of that first relationship, they enter a new relationship where the mother’s still an adviser, but no longer the first woman. He has a relationship, which of course adds to the old axiom “You can tell how he’s going to treat you by how he treats his mother.” Yet, it’s the mother who he runs to for relationship advice, which of course explains, for some of you ladies, why your ex would come back to you and tell you their relationship problems. Even in the relationship, both women (whoever those two happen to be at the point) always make the man choose, and usually at the expense of the other.

Then of course comes the issue of cheating. All these conjectures I’ve made make me wonder if the idea of always having two women to be beholden to may contribute to the idea of cheating. We can always reason it all out by saying that a mother’s love is different from a girlfriend’s love, but indeed we learned the second by the first. We also think about how, after that mother’s love has changed during the growing phases, who fills in the role of the second woman? While we’ve all speculated the many ways a man would cheat, we never really speculate the myriad of reasons it happens.

And really, as a man, the only way to distract yourself from this onerous act of human behavior is to

1) immerse yourself in a non-human love (i.e. your artwork, poetry, etc.)
2) reasoning that the one you’re with is really the best option and there’s no need for anyone else
or
3) starting a family, knowing that the person you’re with might bear fruit to a daughter who will permanently fill in the role of the second lady. Not so much in a perverted way, but love nonetheless. And so begins the cycle of the Electra complex.

I’ve personally observed this with other men too often (not so much me, though I can see hints of this in my own life), and it’s eerie how they treat their girlfriends, and then treat their mothers after having seen them with their mothers over the years. At least their main women. Many dudes who treat their women like crap tend to have a frustrating relationship with their moms, while dudes who never had a mother around shut down so quickly after they get their heart broken.

Then again, little Jo-Jo doesn’t have to worry about that just yet. He can revel in random women pinching his cheeks and wanting to hold him in their bosoms while the men in the family laugh or get jealous at all that attention. And if anything, he knows he’s always got his mother’s love.

jose, who is sure to get a million and one questions, but this is strictly not a conjecture and not based on scientific research … unless someone has scientific research, then I welcome it, thanks …

p.s. – criticisms are welcome, too. i wrote this post over only a few hours of sleep ;-) …

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Across The Universe

by Jose Vilson on September 30, 2007

in Short Notes

Across the UniverseI finally settled on a new layout. Though it’s not exactly the one I wanted, it’s the only one that works for both Internet Explorer and Firefox, and it’s much better than the other flowery layouts available out there. BTW, Firefox is much better than Internet Explorer for WordPress layouts … much better.

I’m coming back from school on Thursday when I got a call from AnnMary, who’s baby shower I went to a couple of months back. She’s like, “Jose, guess what? I had the baby.” WHAT?! Best believe I dropped everything. Yes, ladies and gents, little Josiah was born on September 27th. Congrats to her and her family. I’m really pulling for the babe, and for the mom too, since this is her first child.

Last Friday, I read for an open mic at the Ba’hai Unity Center. I found out about the joint courtesy of Stephen Early Jordan II, who invited his MySpace friends to this event. I didn’t advertise it much, but it was definitely good. A few of my friends came to the Center, too, so I felt like a rock star. I performed “And We” (since they didn’t allow profanity, I tried to self-edit) and I really felt into it. After the performance, I really felt like I could go up to any mic and do any of my best pieces. It was a good feeling. Of course, other cats did their thing too, and overall I enjoyed the experience. To share your work and that work truly reflecting what you feel and not just some manufactured point-garnering piece is rewarding in and of itself.

The last post about fame really made me think a lot about what would I do if I was famous. I’ve been popular and infamous before in different capacities, but never famous. ::rubs goatee:: I’ll get back to y’all on that.

I know I made small mention of this before, but Across the Universe (the movie) was really good. It’s a musical movie based on Beatles music. For those that have never seen it, it’s about a young dock worker from Liverpool who comes to the States to find his father, but he ends up in a whirlwind of events, including falling in love with a new woman and traveling across the nation. There were appearances by Bono (who does a wonderful rendition along with the Edge of “I Am The Walrus”), Salma Hayek (pause, drool, wipe), Joe Cocker, Staceyann Chin, and Joan Osborne. Most of the movie took place on the Lower East Side, so the transformation they did on the place took me aback for real.

The music was for the most part very good, and I even shed a tear during one of the parts, and no it wasn’t anything romantic. The metaphor that really struck me, though, was how each character was a representation of a figure or an idea. Without spoiling the movie for you, I believe the main character, Jude (and all the characters are named after a Beatles’ song), was a metaphor for all of the Beatles. His love interest, Lucy, is a representation of the world around them, and their relationship took turns much the way the Beatles reacted to world issues.

I won’t spoil the rest of it, but if you did see it, maybe you can help me figure out the madness I observed. Overall, I’d give it an 8 out of 10. Worth the money, and I might get it on DVD.

jose, who’s got a million ideas already for this week of blogging …

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Peanuts Have To Shower, Too

by Jose Vilson on August 26, 2007

in Jose

annmarysstring.jpgYesterday, I had the wonderful opportunity to be part of my friend AnnMary’s baby shower. I wish I took pictures, but I swear to you, there are enough picture takers at that party that those pictures will suffice. Now I would love to tell you all the details, but really it was just a time for me to reflect on the experience.

There I was, sitting next to someone I’ve grown so close to as a friend over the last 3 years, and now I was witness to her present and future stage of her life. I was so in awe; I don’t know how anyone can fake that type of thing. She seemed so nervous, but secure in her motherhood, as if she hadn’t toiled and stressed over these weeks and months, working while taking care of classes and her home. Not that I haven’t told her this, but ever since she was a kindergarten teacher (and here’s hoping she returns to that occupation), I knew she’d be a great mother.

This one’s for her.

“Peanuts Have To Shower, Too” by Jose Vilson 2007 ©

She is a waddling big belly penguin
Hair flowing straight to the wells
Of her expected child’s food resources
She is now more width than height
Her worries circle the world entire
Yet her confidence creates a spiritual
Womb around her son’s shelter
He wakes her to remind her of his coming
The baby’s father looks on curiously
Just like I do
She’s a woman now
So secure in her womanhood
G_d won’t wrestle that away from her
Strangers, friends, and family alike shower
The queen with gifts from the designer to the handwoven
We are equal parts jesters and audience to her reign
We rain the baby with love
Our hands spread around and about her
Blessing her and the person she lives with
And the person she lives with, too
The water not fully broken
Rich with the material provided
And the life we injected for just one day
I ask her to remind me a week before it’s supposed to happen
She laughs
As if she knows only one person has control over that meter …

jose

p.s. – I watched The Godfather for the first time yesterday, and I get all the references now. Wow.

p.p.s. – Don Vilson? I think I like the sound of that ;-) …

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