This isn’t for the weak at heart. If you can’t read more than 2-3 curses, stop here. I’m not angry, just going back to the basics. RIP George Carlin …

As a teacher, June has really tests my motherfuckin’ patience.

It’s bad enough we have all the so-called “important” state tests in the middle of the year rather than at the end, you know, like most summative tests should be taking. No, instead we’re stuck with January, March, and Hell on Earth. Most NYC teachers are stuck in this purgatory where we have 3 days until the end of the year … and the shit sucks. Nonetheless, it’s important to maintain your composure.

That’s why, when teachers like me encounter situations in school, we have no idea how to respond. If I had tenure, or if I didn’t give a shit about what projects I got coming up, or whether anyone in a position to tell suggest what I should do was reading this (I seeeee you), maybe I’d let a few filthy words slip through the cracks. Yet, I’m forced to mentally substitute, knowing it’s the difference between me keeping my job and some kid crying that I verbally abused them.

For example, I had this one kid who got caught today unstrapping his pants and making masturbation motions to any random girl that’ll let him, and he’ll say some freaky shit thinking some teacher wouldn’t catch him. Finally, someone decided to castrate him indefinitely, but the first time I encountered it, this is how it went:

I Thought: “Just because you’re part of the fuckin’ gifted program doesn’t mean you’re blessed, son. Put your dick away!”
I Said: “You know that’s inappropriate, young man. Please pick up your pants!”

See? Maybe I should be saying what I think! Then again, if they wanted my opinion, they wouldn’t actually give me a multiple-choice survey or tell me suggest things I should write (it’s all in the wording), but short and long-answer surveys with a few extra pieces of looseleaf. For example, someone told me to send parents down to help fill out some form in some crazy combination of Spanish and English. I’m still trying to crack the code to what she’s talking about. This is how it went:

Thought: “Do your fuckin’ job and this would have never happened! You took a shit on the kids and you expect me to smile and shit? Fuck that! Get on your shit, ’cause I’m on mine!”
Said: “OK, we’ll see how this goes.”

Oh man. And let me tell you, it’s not just the students or the administration doing this, because in my school, for the most part, I got love for everyone … but there are just some people that make love hard to come by. I personally won’t give a fuck about some of these people if I didn’t have to work with them. I got a fellow teacher who always looks at me skeptically, who seems to have a problem looking at the ground with her nose so high, and has the nerve to tell me,

“Listen, you can’t be so serious all the time. Kids need love, and care, and being so serious all the time really does them a lot of harm. The kids love me, and it really comes down to making the kids love and respect you, and with that attitude, you’re never going to do that. Not like that, no.”

Thought: “Lady, what the fuck are you talking about? Have you ever seen me in a classroom? And if you did, were you actually checking out my ass or really observing how I run this shit? Yes, I’m serious, but we have some serious fun! We learn, early and often, sorta like how you complain! Last I looked, from an informal survey, I asked the kids how much they liked you, and they kept changing the subject to me! When I tell them to get back to your class, I gotta restrain them from coming back to my classroom! Yes, me! I’m the teacher they like! So either I’m doing my job and then some or it’s backwards day and I’m the prissy one that walks around like a spider crawled up my ass! You choose!”
Said: “HA! OK, you got it!”

But the professionalism and courtesy I show in my line of work is unprecedented for someone who once cursed out everybody including himself after the 2004 election. And most of my friends and family don’t curse anymore, like they’re just too grown up to curse as much. I wonder if maybe just letting out a little curse or two in a classroom (not necessarily in front of the kids, but bare with me) will be more cathartic than any of the other mantras and axioms can provide us. Or maybe I just need to remember I have 3 more days ’til I can get back to cursing like this. What a relief!

jose, who will now write a speech to the holders of the future of these United States … muhahahaha …