I just got back from a really good rendering of the TV-to-silver screen movie The Simpsons Movie, and it was awesome. It fulfilled its enormous expectations, and I’m really happy. This could have been an absolute bomb like so many TV-to-movie movies are, but no. I’d rather not give any spoilers here, though I’m sure they aren’t hard to find at all.

Once I logged in, I checked my Slimstats and noticed I’m the #1 search for “Alex Rodriguez steroids.” Apparently, Jose Canseco made some interesting allegations against Alex, stating that he had something “in store” for everyone in his next book. In response to the linked blog, I responded

“Great. Now Boston fans’ll start wearing T-shirts that say ‘Jeter Injects A-Rod.’ Because that’s exactly what we need right now. Wasn’t it enough for Jose to ride the bench for the 2000 Yankee championship or to be part of one of the greatest Simpsons episodes of all time?”

In short, I believe:

ALEX RODRIGUEZ DID NOT DO STEROIDS!

Really, as right as Canseco’s been about everyone, the list of guys he named before were people the common sports fan could point out. But A-Rod? Really? I call BS on it for three very simple facts:

1) When’s the last time A-Rod’s missed an exorbitant amount of time for injuries?

2) A-Rod’s head’s actually grown smaller since the Texas days, which says a lot. (If you’re under the NY media scrutiny, that’s easy.)

3) Alex is practically the same size he was since he started in Seattle.

Maybe it’s also because I consider myself a big fan of his and really rooted for his reemergence since last year’s abysmal playoffs. Maybe it’s because I’m also biased towards the Yankees, my favorite (winning) team in the world. I can’t see the shock of this wearing off anytime in the near future. Baseball also might be in shock because he’s the clearest hope for a steroid-free player to clear out Barry Bonds’ soon-to-be home run record.

However, that’s mainly because I wholeheartedly believe he didn’t do steroids. He got a little bigger only during last season, and that slowed him some, but he still put up some awesome numbers nonetheless. This year, he’s having a phenomenal year, and for Canseco to bring out this information now is consistent with wanting to make sure his book does well. If he really did do anything out of the ordinary, we would have seen Alex amongst the 20 or so players subpoenaed by the government, or at least in the Game of Shadows book when so much of the steroids research was done or even his first book, Juiced.

More importantly, though, I want to see this ugliness over. Most baseball fans can agree with that. Once the last of the prominent steroid figures leaves, the rest of us can get back to actually enjoying baseball as the sports it is and not in this Cansecoism (think McCarthyism) we’re constantly under.

G_d, Canseco, you’re ruining my first name. Be gone, please.

jose